So long So long...

it's been so long since I've updated. Tho, not much has transpired. I went on vacation, came home, cut off all my hair, decided I wanted to date, decided I didn't want to date, ticked off a very close friend of mine and got knocked on my ass my a 3 day migraine.


The only reason I'm even sitting down to write, is because I feel compelled to write down bits and pieces of my dream last night. Have you ever had a dream that you didn't want to wake up from because it would ruin the "perfect" dream? Well, despite some odd additions to life in said dream, I would absolutely love for my dream to come true and stay true.

What would you do if you woke up at home (in my case was my parents old house) with the love of your life and his family landscaping the home, doing the grass etc? Get super excited of course. But when you don't get to talk to him, after not having seen him for years, your heart would break. That's what happened, it wasn't until they pulled away was I able to get myself in his line of vision. Even now, awake and aware, I can still feel the desperation in my chest that I felt in my dream. I wanted him, he was there, his green eyes sparkling and I couldn't even move. He blew me a kiss, mouthed "I love you" and they rounded the corner.

I don't know exactly what transpired in the next moment or two, I think a craft fair distracted the women in the family and they were stopped. And as I rounded the corner the truck was there, stopped and he was waiting for me with his arms wide open. I'm not sure I've ever been in those arms in the first place, but all I know is if when I do get inside them they feel as right as they did in my dream.. I'm not letting him go. I'll move to the boonies and fight for him if I fucking well have to.

But this was the sweetest dream I've ever had. I absolutely blame it on the fact I was reading Eclipse before I went to bed, but oh freaking well I'll take it. Beautiful green eyes (grey around his pupil, indicating they are contacts), his low whispered voice, rough facial hair as it nuzzled my cheek and neck, his long fingers as they twined with mine, holding be close, brushing my cheek, winding in my hair. I've never once been treated like that in real life, so it's only natural that I would desire it in a dream. But, I know with out a doubt, that this person would act in this way if he ever saw me, because that is who he is.

In the dream he watched me singlehandedly wrangle his sister's children. An out of control 6 year old and a beautiful 9 month old. I don't dream about babies, not ones I touch anyways. But in this dream this little guy fit snugly against my hip, melding perfectly. I must have had sugar on my thumb, because he kept sucking on it. His eyes were like liquid emeralds as he watched me not only interact with both kids (whom I had perfect control over) and still never let go of me. He watched me, never letting but, but always keeping something at a slight distance. He knew he would have to say good bye and go home with his family. At one point I walked up to my mother, who is sitting with his family and she tells me that he's brought her a note, and vanished. I read the note, written in clear writing on a bottle.. in French. Jerk, he knows I can't read French, I'm not even positive he can! I got enough out of it to know he'd disappeared prematurely so he wouldn't have to say goodbye to me. He'd rather remember the hugs, quick kisses, touches and smiles that he'd gotten in the last hour than a tearful goodbye.

I stood there, clutching his Nephew, tears on my cheeks feeling like my world, which had been perfectly right moments before, had now been ripped apart and shattered.

I woke up crying, but that an odd sense of peace in my chest. I need to see him. I can't wait another 4 years. I don't know how I'm going to manage it, but if he doesn't come here to visit his sister this fall/winter, I'm going to him. I'll drag Gwen to Kintore if I have to! He'd come see me there, he wouldn't be able to NOT come see me if I was that close. I don't need my dream to happen, I just want one more chance to look into those green eyes, and a chance to wrap my arms around his body and hold him close. That would keep me happy for the rest of my life I think.... yeah, it would.


No more Bella and Edward before bed I think... gives me "nightmares". Sigh.. I just want my own Edward, is that so much to ask for?