Blogging

I never really thought I'd blog. I'm not an overly private person, I don't mind sharing my thoughts with just about anyone. But if there is going to be a permenant record of them, I kind of like to keep them tucked away between my mattress's where no one can see them. I've Journaled off and on my entire life, and not just when school required me too. There's always been something peaceful about writing my thoughts down on paper, and it's a lot less crazy than talking to myself about them aloud. Even in today's tolerant society, people tend to think you're nuts if you start talking to yourself about things. Not that I can blame them really...

Blogging takes private thoughts and makes them public. Not many follow me, and I'm ok with that really. This is more a place for me than it is for anyone else. But it does allow a few people to keep tabs on me, and my mental state as I go through ups and downs in life. I didn't blog during my dad's death. I do not want my feeling and grief laid out for the whole world to see. I do not want people to worry about me if I sound too down, or too high. When it comes to grieving there is no happy medium really. If you're upset, they worry. If you're happy, they worry. So, rather than inflict worry upon my friends, I kept silent, and I will continue to do so. I have people I can reach out to directly if I need a shoulder to cry on, but so far I really don't need one.

But I'm also not pouring my heart out in my blog. I've been hurt too many times to do that, not when the people or person I'm talking about could read it. People are funny creatures, and since we each interpert things differently it leaves too much space open for problems and misinterpertation. This is something I do not want or need in my life right now. For the most part, I am currently happy. I have a few friends, i have a job, and there is a boy who likes me. At this point in my life... what more can I ask for?