Change of Heart

I love when things come around and right themselves! No more freaking out for me... having a lil bit of a change of heart from last night. Nothing I hate more than being told something and another happen... totally changes my opinion of someone.

Thanks JP.


if this change of heart is a good thing.. why the hell am I in tears?

****

Now that I've calmed down a little... I dont think I've had a change of heart.. but I am hurt. however, when I went top edit this post I found a post I thought had been lost during a glitch.. I never thought to look in drafts. I wrote this way back in December or January.. and it made me feel bad for being angry with him over something like this (January 10th). Doesn't mean I have to like what happened tonight. Doesn't mean I'm not going to explain to him why I'm upset. Doesn't mean a lot of things. But what it does mean is I think I like him enough to ignore it.

This is why:

"the reason I do not like to like people....

is because things always go wrong. I often wonder why I even bother trying.

I've been avoiding updating my blog because someone has the link, and I do not want to talk about them when they can see it. I save that for private chats with other friends. But after several days of being shunned, I need to get his off of my chest.

Well world, well JP, if you're reading this, you're about to get a good look into my mind. Folks, I like a boy. I like him a lot. I have no FUCKING idea why I like him most of the time, because he can be the biggest prick, asshole, concieted idiot I've ever met. but then I get him privately, and he changes. He's sweet, talented, driven and friendly. However, I've not seen that side of him in almost 2 months. I miss that side of him. I get butterflies when I talk to him, I get sad when he's mean, I cry if he insults me (even if he's picking), I get excited when i see him online.

He doesn't live here, he lives half way across the country and down a little. I'd love to meet him. But right now he's not even talking to me, or to anyone. I keep being told it's not my fault, that he's got issues. Which I don't doubt. However, I'd thought of him as a friend before, and apparenlty that was my problem. Friends don't disappear lie this.

This has left me in a tight spot. Do I wait it out, or do I let it go? I promised another friend I'd give him a week, it's been 3 days and I'm already going crazy! 7 days is going to be next to impossible. I hope he comes around, and at least replies to a message. I really miss him....

and that's all I've got to say for now, I'm sure there will be more.

JP if you're reading this, email me. Even a 'leave me alone' would be helpful right now. I miss you."